22 Hours of Labor....The Home Stretch....

After 22 hours of labor I was exhausted!  The Pitocin was started after 18 hours of labor and every hour or so the dose was bumped up slightly.  Before I knew it the contractions were coming one after the other and even though there appeared to be a break on the monitor in between each contractions the pain for me didn't stop.  The pain felt continuous with different levels of intensity.

I certainly couldn't have made it 22 hours without Frazer and Carrie.  With each contraction the pain level was increasing.  I remember standing up and holding on to Frazer and Carrie was guiding me through each contraction.  We were all dedicated to taking it one contraction at a time.  I could tell I was getting to a breaking point.  I kept saying prayers to myself to be provided with the courage and strength to get through a given moment and within the same breath I could hear my body telling it me it wasn't going to be able to take much more.

As determined as I was to go drug free I looked Frazer straight in the eyes with tears streaming and told him I didn't want him to be disappointed in me or to think I was a failure but I couldn't do it.  I couldn't take any more.   With each passing wave of contractions my body started to tremble.  They were simply coming to quickly and with too much intensity for me to process any further.  At this point the exhaustion had trumped and my body was surrendering.  Carrie went to get one of the nurses and told them I was going to need an epidural.

In what seemed like only moments a nurse came and Dr. Tate followed.  He wanted to do another cervical exam and I thought I would loose it.  I was still only 6 or 7 cm dilated and was 3rd in line for an epidural.  Dr. Tate offered to do a cervical block, which is basically an injection into each side of the cervix during a contraction.  My immediate reaction was no.  In my mind that was just brutal.  Then, in Dr. Tate's typical fashion he quickly and promptly laid out the alternatives for me and I decided to go for the cervical block.  It would only provide an hour or so of relief but some relief was better than none at this point given I didn't know how long it would be until the epidural could be administered.

The cervical block was no picnic but as soon as the left side was injected the relief was instant.  He had to wait 5 minutes before injecting the other side.  The pain on the right side dulled but it was still fairly intense.  But at least I could breathe through contractions again.  Frazer was providing comfort and Carrie was guiding my breathing to keep me grounded and together.

At this point I lost all concept of time.  I'd close my eyes to drown everything out and I couldn't tell you if 30 second or an hour had passed.  All I knew, especially on my right side,  was the pain was increasing to a level my body couldn't process again.  I was hot, then I was cold, I was trembling, then I was calm, then another level of pain would hit and I remember almost being in a state of panic.  At this point one of the nurses came in and starting prepping for the epidural.  I was being hooked up to IV fluids that were being pushed in as quickly as possible. And I got another hospital bracelet to indicate another level of high risk, no more fluids only ice chips!

Meanwhile Carrie stepped in and I felt like I was in the middle of the biggest gestalt of my life.  She spoke the exact words my psyche needed to hear and I'll never forget the look on her face and being told that I'm safe, my body is experiencing pain it's designed to handle and repeating that I'm safe.  In this situation it's emotion over logic and Carrie spoke directly to the emotion and it was perfect.  This was a wall that I had to push through and she gave me the motivation I needed to keep pushing forward.

The next thing I knew the epidural team arrived and all I remembering saying was "Drug Man.  Drugs.  Now".  The pain was excruciating.  The nurse was asking me questions that I breathlessly answered during the pain.  Then the anesthesiologist arrived and started reviewing possible side effects.  I said abruptly between breaths..I don't care.  Drugs.  Now.  He replied that he gathered I wasn't interested in him reading the possible side effects.  I agreed.

Sitting up on the side of the bed with my feet propped up on a trash bin of some kind, clutching a pillow while trying to remain motionless during a contraction while someone was putting a needle in the middle of my spine seemed like an impossible feat.  Frazer had to sit on the sofa and Carrie had to leave the room.  I looked Frazer straight in the eyes for the majority of the process to keep me focused and grounded and I kept saying prayers to myself for courage and strength to get through this.  Once the epidural was in, within minutes, I felt relief.  I was laid down on my left side.  I remember the lights being turned down and the blankets were pulled up.  I could still feel the contractions but they were minor and I could breathe through them on my own again.  I lost all track of time again too.  To me it felt like only 15 minutes before I had pain radiating on my left side around to my back.  I really wanted to roll over to my other side but I couldn't because of the epidural.  Then a nurse came in....then Dr. Tate came in and he wanted to do another check.  

To my surprise I was finally dilated to 10!  At this point I was sitting up and I had my eyes closed so I could focus on breathing through the pain but I could hear voice and shuffling about in the room as everything was prepped for delivery.  The next thing I knew the bed was being adjusted and I was being laid back. It was time to start pushing!

Frazer was on my right side and Carrie was on my left and Dr. Tate was guiding me on pushing.  I pushed three times with each contraction holding each for 10 seconds.  I remember Dr. Tate telling me the first time not to push with my legs.  Then he was holding my stomach trying to get me to use a different set of muscles but for some reason it was taking my brain a bit to process which set of muscles to use for pushing.  I think I finally had the hang of it by the third set of pushing.  I don't remember how many times I pushed, maybe 10 times or 10 sets.  The last couple I could hear the nurses encouraging me and then guiding me to push harder since they could see the babies head.  Then I heard Frazer counting and then Dr. Tate had me stop pushing so he could adjust the babies head since I was tearing. I felt him rotate the babies head and he was instructing one of the medical students.  I felt the babies head move and with a twist and instant the baby was out......